Young people's success stories.

 
Looking to the future
 
Helen's grandfather had sexually abused her mother when she was a young girl. When Helen was born she and her mother lived with the grandparents, her father not wanting to be involved. Helen was quite often left in the care of her grandfather. 'Eventually,' says Helen, 'he sexually and physically abused me. When I disclosed this at the age of five, the family were in denial and I was led to believe it was "all a dream".'
 
Helen's mother remarried and severed all contact with her parents, but life remained difficult for Helen. 'My mother suffered from depression and as a result she was inconsistent in her parenting of me. Her mood swings were such that she was either very loving or extremely rejecting of me, frequently being verbally threatening. I witnessed several suicide attempts. My stepfather was not emotionally responsive to me, only in a practical sense.'
 
By the age of 15 Helen felt in desperate need of support and demanded to know why she couldn't see her grandparents. Her mother told her everything. 'The memories came flooding back,' says Helen. 'I became very depressed and began to self-harm. I hated myself and thought that my suicide attempts would make my mother love me. My mother only became intolerant and rejecting. I challenged her because I believed she had not protected me when I was young.'
 
Helen was left feeling rejected and unloved by her mother's behaviour. 'I turned to inappropriate and abusive relationships with boyfriends and peers. As soon as I turned 16 my mother threw me out of the family home and I was accommodated in a local authority hostel.'
 
Meanwhile, Helen's schoolwork had deteriorated, her teachers recognising the signs of distress. This led to her being referred to Longfield's, an Action for Children project specialising in therapeutic services for traumatised children and young people, including those affected by sexual abuse.
 
'Action for Children has helped me sort out my thoughts and feelings regarding my abusive childhood, and focus on reducing my level of depression and self-harming behaviour. My key worker was the first person to believe and care for me, unconditionally, even when I was being rejecting and verbally aggressive towards her.'
 
Gradually, Helen came to understand her feelings and consequent behaviour. 'I began to like myself and found others who cared for me. The depression lifted and the self-harming stopped. Now I am much more confident and independent - even choosy about which people I make friends with.
 
'Independent living can be lonely and when the going gets tough I wish my mother was there for me. She isn't but I have a good network of supportive people who are. My mother did not receive the help I have. I'm the lucky one.'
 
Today, Helen chooses to have brief and occasional 'quality time' with her family, but her focus is on the future. 'My plans for the future are endless. I've just moved into my own accommodation and started a job as a temporary catering supervisor. The job will become permanent when I pass my NVQ in catering. One day I'd like to move abroad to work in a hotel.'